A Friday Down Memory Lane

On Friday night, Ian and I were invited to go out for drinks with two of our firends that we knew from university. One friend was in town from Calgary with her boyfriend. They were here for a wedding. The other friend works downtown and lives on the other side of the city with his wife and two kids. We found babysitters and headed for a pub downtown.

I hadn't seen these old friends since I was pregnant with Ethan 7 years ago. A lot has changed since then. Both of our friends are working and quite career driven. I was the only stay-at home-mom in the group. I began to wonder what would I contribute to the conversation? What do I have in common with any of them? I rarely get to speak to adults without being interrupted by the kids. Can I even finish a sentence anymore? Am I intelligent enough to be able to follow, interpret and comment on a conversation about politics, business or world issues or did the children completely suck all the brains out of my body?

Will my old friends judge me for making the choice to be at home rather than work?

I tried very hard to put these thoughts out of my mind. I knew that if I mentioned them to Ian he would just say that I was being silly, over-sensitive or overly self-consious. I don't think that I was. I think that those who stay at home can't help feeling a little bit less secure. There are a number of reasons for that.

1. Most of us stay-at-home parents only lead one life. Ian gets two lives; work, and home. I find that I have to search to see beauty and I have to work to be creative so that I don't fall into the mundane, mindless routine of every day life with little ones. Not an easy task.

2. Most of the time, we are not the primary provider for the family. It's a small source of pride for many husbands to bring home the "bread and butter".

3. Ian is a manager at work, he likes to try to do the same at home. The other day, my in-laws, Ian and I took a survey out of Oprah Magazine to see "Who we are meant to be". The survey was meant to direct us to our true selves without thoughts of our career (or former career), children or other things that might muddle up our direction. As it turns out, both Ian and I are more inclined to direct and lead other people. When Ian tries to apply that to me at home it can be a conflict, but often I have found that I submit to it because I don't feel like asserting myself all the time. It is tiring and I am fairly worn down by the kids. So, when Ian is home, I often fall into the position of "second in command".

I am no longer the overly confident, easily excited, driven, young university graduate that my friends used to know.

Needless to say, I was a bit nervous when I first sat down at the bar and began our conversation.

Of course, Ian would have been right. These friends were not judgemental. They asked us to go out with them because they wanted to see us. They put me at ease right away. The conversation mostly centered on old stories of various people we knew. When the conversation switched to work related issues or politics, I didn't feel excluded. I just listened intently. When I was asked if I thought I would go back to teaching. I answered them honestly... I will when the time is right.

What I took from all of this was...
I am not the same person I was 8 years ago when parenthood officially began for us. However, I am happy with who I have become. I believe that I am more open-minded, more friendly, more willing to try new things, more grounded, and in a way, more confident. There will always be someone out there who tries to belittle what I do or who thinks they understand this parenting business better than I do
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I have to say, at the end of any given day, I can tell you that I tried my best to be a good mom. I was honest, responsible, hard-working and loved my kids to the best of my ability. My kids know that's what I do.

I am a Stay-at home-Mom, that is my title.

P.S. I know I need to get out of the house more!